Ari Pinkus, an editor at the National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS), shared the following recently.  I thought it provided valuable insights to offer, especially as we strive to create a culture of belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence for every learner at BCD.

“What am I here for? How can I live a meaningful life? People have been wrestling with these existential questions forever, and clear answers seem more elusive today than ever. Amid this uncertainty, author Emily Esfahani Smith has illuminated a timeless foundation on which to build a meaningful life in The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters. It hinges on four pillars: belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence. Recently, Emily and I chatted about how we can rely on these pillars and help children and teens lean on them to grow and weather whatever challenges they may face in life.

In talking to many different people about what makes their lives meaningful and reading a lot of philosophy and psychology and literature about how to live a meaningful life, I began to see patterns emerge. People tended to talk about four different things.

Belonging is about being in a relationship where you’re valued by others for who you are intrinsically and where you in turn value others. It’s not just any type of relationship; it’s one that’s based on feeling like you matter and treating other people like they matter.

Purpose is about having something worthwhile to do with your time, and psychologists define purpose as having a goal that organizes your life and that involves making a contribution to the world. One person’s purpose might be working on a cure for cancer, and another person’s purpose might be raising their children. It has this other-oriented dimension to it.

Storytelling is about the story you tell yourself about yourself about how you became the person you are today. To lead a meaningful life, we have to develop a coherent narrative about who we are and how we got to be that way. This involves reflecting on the top experiences of our lives, but also the more tragic experiences, and understanding how they shaped us.

Transcendence is about those moments when you are lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life and you feel connected to something bigger than yourself. For a lot of people this might happen in nature, at church, or even in the work they do. As a writer, I can sometimes get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and space and before I know it, it’s past dinner and I’m still writing. People who have had these transcendent experiences say they rank among the most meaningful of their lives.”

Achieving Belonging in Our Mobile Lives…

“It’s important to recognize that belonging exists in moments among individuals. So even though for most of us, our chief sources of belonging will be our families, friends, and communities, we can cultivate this belonging with anyone.

“Let’s say you are at the grocery store and checking out; you could just conduct the transaction with the person who is checking you out, or you could take a moment to have a short conversation with them, to ask how they’re doing, to treat them like a human being. Research shows that these kinds of small moments, these micro-moments of belonging are powerful sources of meaning for you and for the other person. They lift both of you up.”

…And Helping Children Gain Belonging

“It’s important for children to understand that there is this obligation to be present when they’re with another person and to treat them with dignity and respect, no matter who they are. We know things like bullying are such problems in schools and now in the online world, but adults can help kids realize that developing true friendships and being a good person come by treating others like they matter, and that this lifts both people up.”

(Berkshire Country Day School is a member of NAIS)