“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
−George Bernard Shaw
Typically, I like to create blog posts that are more reflective. But every one in a while, one will creep in that’s a tad more logistical.
As George Bernard Shaw indicated, communication can be a tricky thing. While it seems straightforward- you talk to or write to or email or phone another individual, relay a message or idea, and the appropriate follow-through occurs- communication seems rarely to be that cut-and-dried. If the communication with my own three children (particularly my youngest who is a college freshman and therefore completely grown and independently-minded) is any indication, something as simple as a text exchange arranging a phone conversation on Friday evening (that has yet to occur) is obviously pretty complex. Not that I speak from real-life experiences or anything.
It is in the spirit of communication, both sent and actually received, that I compose this blog. Hopefully some of these reminders will help us at BCD to prove George Bernard wrong.
In my own communications, I traditionally pride myself on what I call my “24-hour turnaround.” I admit often to being inundated by emails, but I am enough of a techno-geek to be pretty obsessive about checking them. The long and short of it is this. If you send me an email, shoot a quick text message off to my mobile, or leave a voice mail on my office or cell phone, my goal is to get back to you with some response, however abbreviated, within 24 hours. Period. If I miss that time window, you should assume that 1) somehow I didn’t get your message or 2) I got your message but had a moment of brain freeze and either forgot about it or accidentally buried it in my inbox. Either way, I give you full permission (encourage you even) to reach out again. The same goes for if you happen to leave me a message with someone else, Melissa at school or my darling husband at home. Even the most carefully-written message slips can get lost beneath stacks of file folders or blow off kitchen counters to land under refrigerators (not that I speak from real-life experiences or anything), so that 24-hour thing is a pretty important thing to remember about communicating with Dr. G.
On a very practical note, some home-school communications are just quick reminders or relays about changes in plans. Perhaps mom said she’d be picking up but dad is going to do so, instead. Maybe the orthodontist appointment got moved from 4:00 to 2:30 and so Suzie needs to leave early. If a student is out sick, who will pick up the assignments for the day and where and when? Did the lunch get left on the kitchen counter and Auntie will drop it off in the school office? In many ways, these daily maintenance communications are more essential than some of the larger conversations! So…
- Keep in mind that teachers spend most of their time teaching or interacting with the kids. There are many days that they do not carve out time to check emails until the end of the day after the kids have left. So if there is ever any change to a student’s dismissal plans or to where/ with whom s/he is to go after school, it is essential that you communicate with the office and not the teacher. Phoning Melissa is the best course of action, because she will be sure that the message is accurately and promptly relayed to the teacher and student who need to know. Showing up unannounced to pick up a student for an early dismissal or to divulge a change of plans is disconcerting for all involved!
- If your student misses school for any reason (i.e. illness or an appointment) and you plan to pick up work for him/ her, please contact the office to let them know of your intention. Because the teacher(s) may need some time to gather books or other materials in between teaching sessions, having as much advance notice as possible is greatly appreciated! Please do not simply stop by your child’s classroom during the day to ask for make-up work. That interrupts the teaching and learning experiences of others.
One of the things I have already come to respect about BCD is the openness and honesty of our community. The best problem-solving occurs when we are all clear and direct with one another, both about the good stuff and the frustrations. I encourage us all to move ahead with this school year in this spirit of collaborative transparency. If you have a concern, first address the person most immediately involved. Most of the time, things can be resolved quickly and directly in these interactions, particularly if they are as immediate to the issue as possible. In my experience, if we communicate with folks who are not involved or perseverate about a question or problem without action, issues tend to take on a life of their own and loom larger than they ought. We’re all on the same team, so let’s continue to be proactive about communicating how we can all best work together.
Much has been researched and written about how understandings are context-bound. In other words, we process every instance and event in terms of our individual perspectives, limited by our experiences. This idea does, of course, apply to our communications. As Jim Rohn states, “…communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know.” When I taught in elementary and middle-school classrooms, there were often dissension among children. Blame was cast from one participant in an argument to another. Events were regaled with wildly divergent details, depending upon who was doing the telling. All involved were convinced of the rightness of one position because their perspectives, their contexts, dictated that it was so. In these instances, I would often sit the students down in a quiet corner and ask them to recount their stories back and forth between them. “There is only one completely true way it happened,” I would say. “Your job is to talk together and share your stories so that you can both emember the one true way it happened.Then we can work it out from there.”
The same is true with many other conversations at and about school. Somewhere between a student’s perspective that no details about an assignment were ever given or no test date was ever presented in class and a teacher’s assurances that both really did happen will be the parent trying to figure the one true way. Kids are usually honest to a fault when it comes to how our hair looks or if we’ve gained weight (not that I speak from real-life experiences or anything), but they sometimes have a skewed perspective when it comes to the hours of reading they have, the grading of difficult math problems on attempt rather than accuracy, the directive to draft the English paper for refinement in class, or the in-class reaction they will receive to a lost or missing homework assignment. At BCD, we are all about your kids. We want nothing more to help them succeed at school and in life beyond. It is true that part of that goal includes our fostering self-reliance and responsibility, aspects of the “tough love” any good teacher distributes to those under his/her tutelage. But we certainly value knowing more about the context that under girds our students’ experiences. So provide us with your child’s perspective, your perspective, and the experiences in and around divergent expectations in a quiet and reflective setting. (Gotta admit that grabbing us on the stairwell or on the recess field or as we’re rushing to check our mail before the kids come back from art are not ideal times to resolve a concern.) Of course we want to hear your perspectives, share ours, and work towards common ground. Because the reality is that– somewhere between here and there, you and me, him and her, there is one true way things really happened.
Communication. How can something so simple be so… not?
Yogi Berra died last week and the news has been full of recollections about him. For me, remembering Yogi was less about baseball and more about aphorisms. In terms of communication, what wisdom did Yogi offer about what, when, how and why we communicate and the truth of it all?
“A lot of guys go, ‘Hey, Yog, say a Yogi-ism.’ I tell ’em, ‘I don’t know any.’ They want me to make one up. I don’t make ’em up. I don’t even know when I say it. They’re the truth, And it is the truth. I don’t know.”
-Yogi Berra
