I am the mother of Stella (2) and Charlie (5). The former thinks everything is hers (“MINE!!”), and the latter is in a materialistic phase (“Why can’t I buy a new toy every day?”). Thus, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to encourage my children to be more generous. Yes, there is a good chance that they will grow out of these stages on their own. However, I am not the kind of mom who is willing to leave things to chance. I recently read an article on one of my favorite websites – Greater Good Science Center – called “Seven Tips for Fostering Generosity”. Here are their tips with my own elaboration:
1. Communicate the value of giving. Just like it is important to remind kids that vegetables are good for their bodies, it is important for us to remind kids that giving is good for the world. BCD’s gift-giving program offered an opportunity for our family to discuss this. Charlie and I spent twenty minutes in the toy section at Marshall’s talking about why we needed to buy a toy for someone else instead of him. I am not sure he got it, but I communicated.
2. Provide models of giving. Kindness is contagious. If your kids see you being generous, they will be too…sometimes. Stella spends most of her day stealing toys from her brother and screaming “NOT YOURS. MINE,” but her consistent act of kindness is to help me make her daddy coffee in the morning. I guess that is a start.
3. Get Personal. Kids (and grown-ups) don’t understand statistics but they can relate to individuals. This is where I think volunteering is great. For example, at Special Olympics, kids can get to know individual athletes and better understand the benefits of the program.
4. Be status conscious (but not too much). I am not sure about this one for kids. I have started by encouraging Stella and Charlie to appreciate people who are generous without judging those who are unable to give as freely.
5. Make people feel like they’re connected—locally and globally. People give more to those they feel connected to so I have started talking to my kids more about the concept of community.
6. Volunteer in the neighborhood. Happy, helpful people make great neighbors and their helpfulness is contagious. When I first moved into my home, my neighbors were generous and welcoming. They set the standard for what neighbors should be like, and our family has stepped into line. This has been a great way for my kids to think about small acts of kindness: sharing cookies, helping bring in groceries, or looking for someone’s cat.
7. Say thank you! The article says this is the best thing you can do to foster gratitude so this is the tip we focus on the most. Every night before we go to bed, we talk about our days and what we are thankful for. Sometimes, the answer is “pudding” or “Dora,” but occasionally I get something more meaningful. Tonight, when I asked Stella what she was thankful for, she sat up, pressed her nose against mine, and shouted, “MY MOMMY.” That moment made all the less generous moments of the day melt away.
