Reflections on Carmen Dockery Perkins…
As a colleague of Carmen’s for 2 years, there are so many things I could say about her as an administrator, it is difficult to know where to start. Here is the thing I find most amazing: she can have a pile of papers to correct on her desk a foot high, be anticipating a very difficult phone call with a parent, have just had a very challenging meeting about a student, and if you come by her desk and need a question answered or need to talk about a situation, she stops everything and you are the only person she is thinking about. Frankly, it makes me crazy that my patience wouldn’t extend one tenth that far. Where does she GET it?
Here’s another: it is the day the 9th grade students are returning from a trip to France and Spain. Mrs. D-P has gone with them. It is 8pm after a seven-plus hour flight, a long wait in customs, and a long bus ride to BCD with 14 sleepy, overtired 15 year-olds. Mrs. D-P has not seen her 15 month old for 10 days. (She stopped breastfeeding so she could make the trip.) It’s 2 o’clock in the morning French time, and everyone is on French time still. Vast understatement: everyone is eager to get home. All parents except one pair have arrived. The minutes tick by and all students have left but one. The other faculty member is getting antsy and irritable. Camera to Carmen: she is calm and smiling, chatting amiably with the student. She wouldn’t for the world make this student feel bad that his or her parents are late and she wants to get home, for crying out loud. The parents arrive at long last and Carmen warmly welcomes them, saying what a great time they had, and good night, yes, see you in two weeks, have a great vacation. This is the kind of simple presence in whatever task is at hand and unquestioned commitment that Carmen has in everything she does. Some people say that for effect. I mean it. In EVERYTHING she does she is like this.
A fight breaks out between 7th grade boys? Guess who mediates, calming each one down from tears and recriminations. Who listens with patience and understanding to the emotive ramblings of an inexperienced new teacher? A staff member is getting married? Guess who throws the bridal shower. Who reminds the faculty of every detail about the schedule, because she does her homework before every meeting? EVERY meeting. There are no exceptions, no corners cut, no easy way out. Carmen is the kind of educational servant who embraces every challenge of her work, every day building a better and more solid school because of her unwavering commitment.
BCD simply would grind to a halt without her– she is the glue that holds it together. On a personal note, she has inspired me to be more committed, more uncomplaining, more of service to those around me. What a beautiful example for our students. We thank you, Mrs. D-P.
-Rachel Siegel ‘89
Your countless humorous stories of accidental Spanish translations gone wrong always crack me up. I still can’t believe that one about the chicken!
-Camilla Norris ‘11
I have known Carmen for 16 years now. Among the things that stand out about her are:
She is universally liked and admired by colleagues and students. She is always respectful and welcoming of other people, always makes them feel at home.
She is an excellent teacher. She knows her subject very well and is very good at conveying her knowledge of it. At the same time she never puts brains above the whole person.
She is a very gifted dancer. She’s out of practice now but when I first met her she was doing West African dance at a professional level.
She is a great mother. She has three beautiful children who adore her. She has had some very big challenges as a mother, but has always met them calmly and strongly.
She is a great friend–always ready to listen, and very insightful about what motivates people. Maybe even more remarkable is that people for whom she is their boss more or less all feel that she is also their friend. That’s a very fine line to walk.
-John Dreger
When I got hired at BCD2S, Carmen made the strongest positive impression on me from day one. And she has been a friend ever since. Whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, support, or an opinion about a tricky situation, I walked into Carmen’s office and shut the door. And I bet I could still do that now, even though we work at different schools. I once had a student sign up for a play we were creating using pretty advanced improvisation techniques. I felt the play was over his head and that we should counsel him to do something else. It was Carmen who convinced me that I owed it to this student to find a role for him that gave him exposure and much needed experience. I agreed and he wound up playing a character who didn’t talk. But he spent the rehearsal process studying the other actors. He went on to become a four-year theater and film student who is still working in film today. Carmen saw that potential and pushed me to help bring it out. I love her and in my mind, she represents all that was great and good about the high school.
-Jesse Howard
There are a million things i could say about Mrs DP. she was one of my best friends in high school. that sounds unconventional and perhaps part of her willingness to spend time with me and sort through my troubles (which later on in life seem so trivial) was that she was my faculty advisor. But part of it was that she has warmth and insight and a level of patience that nourishes the part of a person that whispers “you are going to be fine. in fact, you will be brilliant!”
-Johanna Blair 2S ‘03
From my first day on campus, Carmen was a mentor to me as I navigated my way from a boarding school to day school culture. From little notes of confidence to many conversations, I have truly appreciated the amount of time she has taken to making my journey here so special.
Her natural professionalism, years of independent school experience, and deep understanding of “who our students are” filters through into every interaction she has with her students, families and colleagues.
I would like to thank Carmen for her dedication, always above and beyond, that has touched the lives of so many over the years. Thank you!
-Amy Freeman
Speech by Johanna Blair
So, I don’t really know where to start and I don’t like to speak for other people. But I have been talking to people, reading the comments that have been left online and sorting through my memories of BCD2S and I think its okay for me to generalize this time.
There is one thing I have to say before I get started though. Sometimes it can be slightly uncomfortable to listen to a speech that lists off all the wonderful things about a person- I am sure we have all heard something of the sort and had to sit there silently wondering if anyone in the audience is buying this ridiculous praise. I don’t want to write something like that but the problem is that, while Mrs. DP has her faults like we all do, I think she is the only one who knows about them. So I am going to say what I have to say, and if anyone out there has not met Mrs. DP and has their doubts about what follows, just take a poll of the audience… you’ll see.
The word that pops up most often in association with Mrs. DP is “dedication.” It doesn’t just come up in terms of her attitude towards any one thing. It applies to everything: teaching, mothering, advising, chaperoning, being a boss, and being a friend. Being dedicated to her students doesn’t just mean that she is interested in their progress in class. She is there for them and their emotional needs, social conflicts, there to listen to their stories both humorous and tearful (trust me, I know. She had to deal with me in her office on a daily basis). It’s amazing that she has the energy for all of this but also that she manages to step into the friend zone without breaking down her authority as a teacher.
I would like to read a comment left by one of Mrs. DP’s colleagues. I am not sure who wrote it but I think it puts a lot of people’s thoughts into words:
“As a colleague of Carmen’s for 2 years, there are so many things I could say about her as an administrator; it is difficult to know where to start. Here is the thing I find most amazing: she can have a pile of papers to correct on her desk a foot high, be anticipating a very difficult phone call with a parent, have just had a very challenging meeting about a student, and if you come by her desk and need a question answered or need to talk about a situation, she stops everything and you are the only person she is thinking about. Frankly, it makes me crazy that my patience wouldn’t extend one tenth that far. Where does she GET it?
Here’s another: it is the day the 9th grade students are returning from a trip to France and Spain. Mrs. DP has gone with them. It is 8pm after a seven-plus hour flight, a long wait in customs, and a long bus ride to BCD with 14 sleepy, overtired 15 year-olds. Mrs. DP has not seen her 15 month old for 10 days. (She stopped breastfeeding so she could make the trip.) Its 2 o’clock in the morning French time, and everyone is on French time still. Vast understatement: everyone is eager to get home. All parents except one pair have arrived. The minutes tick by and all students have left but one. The other faculty member is getting antsy and irritable. Camera to Carmen: she is calm and smiling, chatting amiably with the student. She wouldn’t for the world make this student feel bad that his or her parents are late and she wants to get home, for crying out loud. The parents arrive at long last and Carmen warmly welcomes them, saying what a great time they had, and good night, yes, see you in two weeks, have a great vacation. This is the kind of simple presence in whatever task is at hand and unquestioned commitment that Carmen has in everything she does. Some people say that for effect. I mean it. In EVERYTHING she does she is like this.
A fight breaks out between 7th grade boys? Guess who mediates, calming each one down from tears and recriminations. Who listens with patience and understanding to the emotive ramblings of an inexperienced new teacher? A staff member is getting married? Guess who throws the bridal shower. Who reminds the faculty of every detail about the schedule, because she does her homework before every meeting? EVERY meeting. There are no exceptions, no corners cut, no easy way out. Carmen is the kind of educational servant who embraces every challenge of her work, every day building a better and more solid school because of her unwavering commitment.
BCD simply would grind to a halt without her– she is the glue that holds it together. On a personal note, she has inspired me to be more committed, more uncomplaining, more of service to those around me. What a beautiful example for our students. We thank you, Mrs. DP.”
When I read the part about her doing her homework before every meeting I thought “Of all the ways to influence people, leading by example is by far the best.” And then I thought “Oooooooh, tricky! Maybe that’s why I always did my Spanish homework.”
Mrs. DP is without a doubt my most prominent memory of BCD2S- she was there for the creation of all the other memories, good and bad. She falls into the “best-friend-from-high-school” category and when I tell that to people, they look at me like I need to get a life. But they just don’t know. From what I have read and seen and heard, I am not alone in that sentiment. It seems that the people that know her think of Mrs. DP always as a friend, no matter what other title she may carry in relation to them.
Even though I have barely seen Mrs. DP in the past eight years, I still find myself thinking “Mrs. DP would be proud, I have been speaking Spanish all day at work” or “Johanna, calm down, just pretend you’re Mrs. DP for a second…. What would she do?” Normally I wouldn’t admit that to anyone, let alone a huge crowd of people, but since we are talking about how she affects our lives, I figure I can embarrass myself a little just to point out that the impact she has on people is not fleeting.
Mrs. DP, as your students and colleagues and friends pass through your life, you should put up a map and, for every place we wander to, put a pin in it. And if ever YOU need a boost, you can look at it and know that in that part of the world there is someone who loves you and will never forget what you have done for them. On the other hand, you don’t even need to leave your office to know those things. You are surrounded by people who appreciate everything you do for them and others. You are a blessing and I am here to thank you on behalf of all of us.